Fens: Dykes End, Reach - Five Miles from Anywhere, Upware - Haymakers, Chesterton

The peloton rolled out of Cambridge in hot and muggy conditions, bound for the Fens

Stourbridge Common: I point at a horse

After Fen Ditton, Hamish and Sandeep were able to stretch their legs on High Ditch Road, before the pack reassembled near Stow for a tricky road-crossing procedure

Sandeep about to flirt with death

Through Bottisham, Lode, on to the Fens

One of these people knows the way

Pausing only to identify a perfectly mown field as a drug-running airstrip (later found to be a turf-selling business), we improvised a wrong turn to Swaffham Prior and pegged the last mile or so to Reach

Sandeep teaches his bike a lesson by turning it upside down

The serious business of refuelling

A Jon in the country. Rafe arrives

Unfortunately no documentary footage exists of the now infamous Upware incident, but contributing factors were:

· Dithering over whether to follow the road to the right or go straight on

· Slightly panicky calls of 'Car! Car!' (said vehicles were approaching slowly and with understandable wariness)

· Diana accelerating nimbly round the corner to the right

· Rafe failing to anticipate this maneuvre

Anyway the net result was Rafe's front wheel getting clipped which meant he had to bounce along on his shoulder for a bit. Bruised and grazed, he manfully absorbed the news that we had no medical back-up. Not even savlon.

Unbeknownst to us, though, there was a more serious casualty, and as we rolled to Five Miles from Anywhere, Diana's back tyre slowly but surely let out all of its air.

Hambo wrestles the vehicle we would come to know as 'that f***ing bike'

At this stage we still had hope. Those are 24 inch wheels,
in case you were wondering

Jim displays his offroad capability

More from the gurning portfolio

Something funny just happened

The back tyre of the Peugot had been awkward to re-fit, due to there being not much of it left. It wobbled and bulged in a way that sapped the confidence, and made a worrying 'swishing' noise as it revolved. A mile or so from Upware it was declared officially unrideable, and alternative travel strategies were devised.

Attack of the fenland pixie

Jim helps out with the bike-pushing

Riders of a different stamp, or possibly fewer lagers, might have been tempted to abandon the Peugot to an ignominous taxi pick-up. By this time, though, it had acquired a totemic aura, which seemed only to increase with the counter-urge to chuck the thing in a ditch. And after all, we learned something; bike-pushing is more efficient when sandwiched between two riders, though there is a corresponding reduction in control.
Come Lode, though, the valiant attempt faltered. Bike-pushing on a proper road at dusk seemed unwise, and the cycle path was too narrow.

Sandeep expresses his feelings on the controversial bike-carrying proposal

With a bittersweet mingling of regret and relief - but mostly relief - we tied the awful thing to a lamp-post. I had realised that a few gentle shandies were enitrely compatible with a ride-home-and-drive-back-for-the-bike plan, so with some pacing from Hamish, made off past Anglesey Abbey and onto Newmarket Road for a nice spot of Langstering.

Sunset on the fens

The amazing bike-carrying capacity of the Honda

After multiple fractures and regroupings of the Peleton, we reassembled for victory pizza at the Haymakers.